Mink (minkmix) wrote,

SPN/DA Fic: (Minor Tremor 3)

A minor intermission from NaW, as I had no time to write today and I found another Minor Tremor (aka silly stories that occur somewhere amid the Aftershocks) that survived my last computer crash. It's silly but I needed some silly tonight...

Title: (Minor Tremor 1) - (Minor Tremor 2) - (Minor Tremor 3) - (Minor Tremor 4) - (Minor Tremor 5) - (Minor Tremor 6) - (Minor Tremor 7) - (Minor Tremor 8) - (Minor Tremor 9) - (Minor Tremor 10) - (Minor Tremor 11)
accompaniment(s) to: With a Bang
Author: Mink
Rating: ♥Humor♥ SPN/DA Crossover - PG - Gen – AU in the year 2020
Spoilers: General (for all aired episodes)
Disclaimers: SPN & DA characters are owned by their various creators.
Summary: Alec POV. Winchesters vs. IKEA Shiny Crap.

Alec had really missed the sound of automatic sliding doors.

When that wall of ice cold air conditioning hit him in the face he thought he’d might have died and gone somewhere that wasn’t in Minnesota. Giving a big smile to a lady pushing past him with a loaded shopping cart, he took in the cavernous warehouse of a furniture store and soaked in the 1980’s pop musak.

It took him a moment to realize the doors had shut behind him and he was standing all alone.

“Hey!” he stomped on the mat to open them again. “Let’s go!”

Sam and Dean were still standing out on the sidewalk looking around at the place like it was a national monument that was better appreciated from a distance. Or a pile of cow shit decorated in Christmas lights. Maybe some combination of both. Alec stayed in range of the door sensors to keep them opening and closing until it annoyed his family enough to start moving in the right direction.

“Great isn’t it?“ Alec said when they finally stepped inside. “Don’t you love that smell!”

“Cheap plywood and meatballs?” Dean asked.

“No,” Alec spread his arms wide. “Commercialism.”

“I didn’t know any of these places survived the Pulse,” Sam mumbled. “I thought this complex was an abandoned aircraft hanger.”

“This place is where it's at,” Alec consulted a map on the wall. “It’s a Scandinavian furniture outlet that offers affordable fashion and home decoration for the average family.”

“You watch way too much television,” Dean said. “In fact, I’m gonna put the tube in the backyard so you have to go on more walks--”

“All I want is that neon martini dispenser and then we can hit the highway again. You guys said we could stop here and if all you’re going to do is bitch and moan the entire time let’s just go back to the freakin’ car and go--”

“Okay! Okay!” Dean shoved past him. “Let’s get your stupid whatever and get this over with.”

“What the hell is this thing?” Sam asked.

Alec turned to see his father kicking around a nebulous glob of a beanbag chair like a soccer ball. “Don't do that,“ he pulled Sam away. “You guys kinda worry me sometimes. You gotta get out more.”

“Hey, everyplace we’ve ever lived came fully furnished,” Dean said. “Or… ya know. It had a table or something in it.”

Alec spotted the helpful yellow arrow that lead into the maze of reasonably priced merchandise. The product he had seen advertised and needed bad was in here somewhere. It was a brilliant use of plexi-glass and halogen bulbs designed to enhance any drinking experience. Even if he thought martinis tasted like rubbing alcohol/ass he knew what would look fucking awesome on a fully tricked out oak bar with recessed lighting in the living room.

If they actually had one of those in their lame house.

“Follow me,” Alec said. “I know the way.”

They didn’t get very far.

“Would you look at all this storage space?” Dean marveled. “I could really use one of these in the garage. Look, it even in comes in black.”

Alec wondered if he could kill himself with a varnished wooden salad bowl that came with matching salt and pepper shakers.

“Check this one out,” Sam said. “You can install it right into the wall.”

Checking his watch, Alec had timed the hang up in the Home & Office! department to be closing in on an hour. There were plenty of display chairs to wait around in but whenever they moved fifty feet they lost another ten when someone wandered off.

“Whoa,” Dean pointed. “It’s a sofa shaped like a circle!”

“Get a load of these faucets,” Sam twisted one on and off. “They look like 18th century hand pumps!”

Alec didn’t even care that they were getting closer to the food either. He’d seen signs for a cafeteria but that seemed to be where most of the people with screaming kids were headed. Wondering what kind of parent would subject their child to this kind of unbearable bullshit, he felt his heart skip when it appeared that his family might be about to resume their progress through the store.

“Hey Dean, we should really get a new bed for Alec.”

“Yeah, they think they’d ship this back to town?”

“This sign says this one’s out of stock.”

“What about that one--”

“Excuse me?” Alec interrupted. “I already have a bed. It works great.”

“Can you believe this?” Dean kicked the box spring. “This thing is only a hundred bucks!”

“That’s nothin’,” Sam said. “There’s one over there on sale for fifty!”

“That’s unbelievable,” Dean crossed his arms and shook his head. “Can you believe this Alec?”

“No, not really.”

There was only one department left.

Alec took one look at the sea of designer plates, dyed stemware and shabby chic candleholders and thought he might throw up.

“So where’s your thing?” Sam asked him.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Get your thing.”

Alec frowned at the overloaded shopping cart filled with assembly required crap that he was going to have to share with the backseat.

For a couple hundred miles.

“Look Sam! A stainless steel … uh…. what is this?”

“The sign says it’s a votive holder.”

“I bet a cat head would burn nice on it tho don’t ya think?”

With a sigh, Alec turned around and got headed back to Bedrooms & Bath!. There was a really cool bunk bed shaped like a biplane that he kind of wanted to try out.

At least until the place closed.

Tags: aftershocks, dean pov, gen, minor tremors, spn humor, spn/da crossover, with a bang
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