Title: Just Say No
Rating: ♥Humor♥ - R - Gen - Drug Use
Spoilers: General (for all aired episodes)
Disclaimers: SPN & characters are owned by their various creators.
Summary: Sam POV. Sam gets high and Dean gets left in a compromising position.
Sam cracked another beer to get the taste of weed out of his mouth.
Taking a deep breath to steady his hands, he successfully got the laptop to open on the third try without dropping it. Sam didn’t usually smoke pot. He most especially didn’t smoke all by himself, but after a long night of a shitty internet cable connection and a snow storm with no end in sight, he had started looking for any distraction of any kind.
The door startled him, banging open with only a few inches of chain lock to show the maid’s annoyed face.
“N-No thanks!” Sam quickly shut the door and slammed in the dead bolt. “W-We’re perfectly kept in here.”
There was a pause on the other side of the door that brought a sick thrill of paranoia that she had maybe smelled the joint he’d smoked. The thought of her outrage made him chew at his thumb nail.
“Toallas!” she tried one more time. “Clean toallas!”
“Don’t need towels!” Sam tried to sound normal. “I’m extremely dry right now.”
He listened to the creak of her cart down the sidewalk as she mumbled in disgust. With one more stab at the broken thermostat he flopped back down on the bed and frowned at the blurry line of static rippling down the television set. Messing around with the rabbit ears hadn’t done much to improve the picture but…. Glancing at the curtained windows, Sam decided to try to enhance the reception the good old non-fashioned way. He raised his hand with a strange flash of guilt and willed a spurt of energy just small enough to boost the signal. Sam’s grin broke into a wide smile when the black and white static abruptly solidified into a picture.
Sam’s shoulder’s hitched in a delighted laugh.
He hadn’t actually been looking for weed when he was digging through the duffel bags. He’d actually been searching for something to eat but their rations were sadly low and unappealing. However, Slim Jims and canned fish didn’t seem like such a bad idea now. Settling back onto the unmade bed, his satisfaction deepened at the taste of dried meat dipped in chunky peanut butter. And as if things couldn’t get any better, the program playing on PBS was all about one of Sam’s great childhood loves.
Monstrous and magnificent giant squid.
He was so enthralled by the deep water footage of freakish tentacles it took him a moment to realize his cell was buzzing on the table. Sam didn’t have to check the ID to know it was Dean.
"So what’s going on?"
His brother often skipped all formalities to save time.
“I got high and now there’s a giant squid.” Sam explained. “And I’m pretty sure the maid knows all about it.”
“Where are you?”
“Heh,” Dean cleared his throat. “About that…”
Sam’s pleasant buzz was disrupted by the odd tone in his brother’s voice.
“Well, I got some good news and I got some bad news,” Dean said. “What would you like to hear first?”
Gnawing on another greasy tube of meat, Sam weighed his options. “Give me the good news first- wait no. The bad first. No, wait, wait, do the good news! But is the good news that’s kind of like bad news too? Because if it‘s all bad you might as well just tell me all at once-”
“Christ, you’re baked.”
“Okay, gimme the good news.”
“Well, the good news is that I owe this guy about $500 bucks.”
“How’s that good news?”
“I have exactly $494.00 bucks back in the room. So yeah, I’m gonna need to borrow 6 bucks.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“I’m in the trunk.”
“Of the car?”
“No, the elephant. Yes, the car you idiot.”
“Hey, is that bag of Cheetohs still back there?”
“Oh my god.”
“They just showed some footage of a giant squid that washed up on the shore in Bali and the thing is about twenty freakin’ feet long-”
“That’s fascinating however-
“No, no, don’t worry I got it. You’re in the trunk and you need six bucks but I think I only got a twenty. Do you think the guy can break a twenty?”
“It sure is gettin’ cold out here.”
“Yeah, it started snowing about an hour ago.”
“You should see this sperm whale kick this squid’s ass!” Sam got closer to the watch the carnage unfolding on the set. “I mean if uh, squid’s have asses. They might not-”
“I’m pretty sure they do.”
“I dunno,” Sam shook his head. “I’m on this website and it doesn’t say much about it’s digestive system.”
“Soooo, you maybe thinkin’ about maybe coming out to the car any time soon?”
“Sure, but do you have any idea where the spare keys are?” Sam looked doubtfully at the piles of laundry strewn all over the floor. “Cause I’m not seein’ ‘em.”
“You checked your jacket yet?”
“Oh yeah! Here they are!”
“SO, if you could tear yourself away from your nature special there I could sure use-”
“Oh man! Now they’re showing some live footage some Japanese fishing boat caught!”
“You wouldn’t happen to see my brass knuckles laying around?”
“Uh,” Sam quickly spotted them stuffed in the motel bible like a book mark. “Yup! They’re right here.”
“Bring ‘em along would ya?”
“I’m going to be needing them."
“Kay,” Sam palmed the keys and checked his wallet for the twenty. “Anything else?”
“Just your face.”
Sam blinked when the phone signal dropped and Dean hung up. But something on the television made him pause on his way to the door. The narrator had announced in a very calm yet eager voice that the next segment after the commercial break would be a live dissection of the only intact specimen ever found alive in open water.
He dropped his jacket and took a seat.
Dean could wait another five minutes.